David Shillinglaw - with a voice like sand and glue

I found this image, "with a voice like sand and glue" in the #thedanceof1000faces hashtag of David Shillinglaw's Instagram (@davidshillinglaw). It's like a Basquiat tribal mask worn by a dancer on a holiday to celebrate the dead. (Maybe?) I like that there's a piece in the upper-right corner that looks like his exposed brain. I also like that it looks like teeny crows walked tear drops near one of the face's three eyes. Very cool. Go to cargocollective.com or his Instagram to see more of his work. 

Kanye Chef Tumblr

From the bowels of weird Internet comes this fun Kanye Chef Tumblr dedicated to Kanye + food. #Mastermind of Kanye Chef, Tyler Cray, fills this Tumblr with content submitted from the Interwebs. This content includes: Kanye lyrics changed to be about food ("Prawns so raw / Motherfuckers wanna brine meat / That dish cray"), album covers re-designed to be about (and include) food, macros about Kanye + food, photos of white American cheese, and other Kanye and food-related items.

I know the kids these days are creating lots of Yeezy parodies on the Youtubes and Twitters, but this one servers a greater purpose by giving the public a forum through which to express the deep, question burning in their hearts: what is the deal with rappers rhyming about food all the damn time, anyway? Particularly fish (?).

Anyhow, I've gone H.A.M. on that Kanye Chef Tumblr and have emerged with some chunks/posts, which I have posted below. Grab a fish stick, and enjoy.

What’s goat cheese my nigga? Crab Louie my killa?
Bananas my peela? What’s on your crackers, Nutella?
Martha says I’m the illest, cause I’m stuffing a chicken
Apple fritters in Paris and the icing’s vanilla, huh! —  Fritters in Paris

Chyrum Lambert - I Was Planning On Calling Home #2 (Low-Income Advertisement); Little Pictures

LA artist Chyrum Lambert cuts and shapes his paintings into these collages that kind of remind me of the art in The Very Hungry Caterpillar and also of pre-war Japanese posters (the combination of which equals awesome). 

Visit his site to see more of his striking (A1) collages and paintings.

An incomplete compendium of food-related rap lyrics listed alphabetically by food type

Alcohol:

• Champagne. Lyric: "Supercharger, the same color as PJ / I got a champagne Range."

  Young Jeezy, “The Realist,” (The Inspiration, 2006)

•  Dolce. Lyric: "And you do dinners at French Laundry in Napa Valley / Scallops and glasses of Dolce, that shit's right up your alley."

  Drake, "The Ride," (Take Care, 2011)

• Saki. Lyric: “Who be, in a Japanese restaurant eating sushi, drinking saki?”

  Jay - Z, “(Always Be My) Sunshine,” (My Lifetime Vol. 1, 1997)

• Wine. Lyric: “Sip fine wines and spit vintage flows”

  Jay - Z, “Can’t Knock the Hustle,” (Reasonable Doubt, 1996)

Appetizers:

• Nachos. Lyric: "A ni**a cheese dripping, I like my nachos hot."

  Rick Ross, “MMG Untouchable,” (Rich Forever, 2012)

• Wings. Lyric: "She thinking Phillipe’s, I’m thinking Wingstop.”

  Rick Ross, “MC Hammer," (Teflon Don, 2010)

Bread:

• Matzo, challah bread. Lyric: "Oops, gotcha, clutch like Piazza / Sneak between the sheets so hide the matzo / Holler back challah bread...next."

  Beastie Boys, "3 the Hard Way," (To the 5 Boroughs, 2004)

Breakfast:

• Cocoa puffs. Lyric: "Then there was Pebbles, times was rough / She was turning Trix, to get a Cocoa Puff."

  LL Cool J, "Milky Cereal," (Mama Said Knock You Out, 1990)

• Croissants. Lyric: “In a French-ass restaurant, Hurry up with my damn croissants,”

  Kanye West, “I Am a God,” (I Am a God, 2013)

• Ham and eggs. Lyric: "I don't eat no ham and eggs, 'cause they're high in cholesterol / Ayo, Phife do you eat 'em? No, Tip do you eat 'em? / Uh-uh, not at all."

  A Tribe Called Quest, "Ham 'N' Eggs," (People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm, 1990)

Desserts:

• Cake. Lyric: "I love you like a fat kid love cake"21 Questions"

  50 cent, "21 Questions," (Get Rich or Die Trying, 2003)

• Donuts. Lyric: "You scream I'm lazy, you must be crazy / Thought I was a donut, you tried to glaze me."

  Rakim, "Eric B. Is President," (Paid in Full, 1987)

• Knishes, Oreos, Twinkies. Lyric: "Like Rapp Snitch Knishes / Cuz it's Oreos, Twinkies, coconuts, delicious."

  Childish Gambino, "That Power," (Camp, 2011)

• Milkshake. Lyric: "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard / And they're like, 'It's better than yours.'"

  Kelis, "Milkshake," (Tasty, 2003)

• Vanilla wafers. Lyric: “Living the life, vanilla wafers.”

  Jay - Z “Holy Grail,” (Magna Carta … Holy Grail, 2013)

Dinner (general):

• Chicken, cheese. Lyric: “And then you look at your plate and your chickens slowly rottin'/Into something that looks like cheese”

  Sugarhill Gang, “Rappers Delight,” (Sugarhill Gang, 1979)  

• Chicken, collard greens. Lyric: "It's Christmas time in Hollis, Queens / Mom's cooking chicken and collard greens."

  Run-D.M.C., "Christmas in Hollis," (A Very Special Christmas, 1987)

• Fried chicken, macaroni, collard greens. Lyric: "A heapin' helpin' of fried chicken, macaroni and cheese and collard greens / Too big for my jeans."

  Goodie Mob, "Soul Food," (Soul Food, 1995)

• Macaroni, peas, chicken. Lyric: “And the food just ain't no good/I mean the macaroni's soggy the peas are mushed/And the chicken tastes like wood”

  Sugarhill Gang, “Rappers Delight,” (Sugarhill Gang, 1979)  

• Spaghetti, fettucini, veal. Lyric: "Yeah, living the raw deal, three-course meal / Spaghetti, fettuccini and veal."

  Puff Daddy, "It's All About the Benjamins," (No Way Out, 1997)

Fish (and seafood):

• Catfish. Lyric: "Dirty South mind-blowing Dirty South bread / Catfish fried up, Dirty South fed."

  Ludacris, "Southern Hospitality," (Back for the First Time, 2000)

• Escargot. Lyric: "I can fill ya with real millionaire shit / Escargot."

  Notorious B.I.G., "Hypnotize,"(Life After Death, 1997)

• Fish filet. Lyric: "That shit cray, ain't it Jay? / What she order? Fish filet?"

  Kanye West, "Ni**as in Paris," (Watch the Throne, 2011)

• Fish sticks. Lyric: “Inside fish sticks, outside tartar sauce.

  Young Jeezy, "Put On," (The Recession, 2008)

• Grouper. Lyric: "Supercalifragalisticexpialidocious Dociousaliexpifragalisticcalisuper / Cancun, catch me in the room, eating grouper."

  Ghostface Killah,"Buck 50," (Supreme Clientele, 2000)

• Halibut. Lyric: "Starks-ologist, fried fish halibut."

  Ghostface Killah, "Black Jesus," (Ironman, 1996)

• Lobster. Lyric: “Lobster And Scrimp”

  Jay - Z, “Lobster and Scrimp,” (Tim's Bio: Life From Da Bassment, 1998)

• Sardines. Lyric: "Born sinner, the opposite of a winner / Remember when I used to eat sardines for dinner."

  Notorious B.I.G., "Juicy," (Ready to Die, 1994)

• Scallops. Lyric: "And you do dinners at French Laundry in Napa Valley / Scallops and glasses of Dolce, that shit's right up your alley."

  Drake, "The Ride," (Take Care, 2011)

• Shark meat, perch, tilapia. Lyric: "What you know 'bout shark meat, perch and tilapia?"

  Young Dro, "Grand Hustle Mafia," (Grand Hustle Presents: In da Streetz Volume 4; 2006)

• Sushi. Lyric: “Who be, in a Japanese restaurant eating sushi, drinking saki?

  Jay - Z, “(Always Be My} Sunshine,” (My Lifetime Vol. 1, 1997)

Fruit:

• Strawberry, kiwi. Lyric: “Fruit, crash at high speeds, strawberry kiwi."

  Ghost Killa, "Apollo Kids," (Supreme Clientele 2000)

Meat:

• Fried chicken. Lyric: "Mmm, fried chicken, fly vixen / Give me heart disease but need you in my kitchen."

  Nas, "Fried Chicken," (Untitled, 2008)

• Ham. Lyric: “I’m about to go HAM, Hard As a Muthaf-cker.”

  Kanye West, “H.A.M.,” (Watch the Throne, 2011)

• Hog (pig). Lyric: "No barkin' from the dog, no smog and momma cooked up breakfast with no hog."

  Ice Cube, "It Was a Good Day," (The Predator, 1992)

• Kobe beef. Lyric: "Tried to tell you not to fuck with these debutantes / That's more Kobe beef than Japanese restaurants."

  Talib Kweli, "Back Up Offa Me," (The Beautiful Struggle, 2004)

• Steak. Lyric: “Don’t be good my ni**a, be great/ After that government cheese we eat steak.”

  Jay - Z, “F.U.T.W.,” (Magna Carta … Holy Grail, 2013)

Pasta:

• Ziti. Lyric: "A-yo, this rap is like Ziti, facing me real TV.”

  • Ghost Killa, "Apollo Kids," (Supreme Clientele, 2000)

Sandwiches:

• Burgers. Lyric: "Frequently floss hoes at Roscoe's / If I wanna squirt her, take her to Fatburger."

  • Notorious B.I.G., "Going Back to Cali," (Life After Death, 1997)

Sauces (or toppings):

• Cheddar. Lyric: “I check cheddar like a food inspector”

  Jay - Z, “Public Service Announcement,” (The Black Album, 2003)

• Hot sauce. Lyric: "Violation, that'll get ya ass knocked off / Texas Pete, ni**a get ya ass hot sauce."

  T.I., "Fuck Da City Up," (Fuck Da City Up, 2012)

• Ketchup. Lyric: "Six-deuce every time, I never had the Heinz / Fifty-seven can't ketchup [catch up] to mines."

  Jay-Z, "Maybach Music 2,” (The Lost Verse)

• Mayonnaise. Lyric: "Mayonnaise-colored Benz, I push Miracle Whips."

  Kanye West, "Last Call," (The College Dropout, 2004)

Sides:

• Fries. Lyric: "Passenger's a redbone, her weave look like some curly fries.”

  Young Jeezy, "Put On," (The Recession, 2008)

Soup:

• Lobster bisque. Lyric: "Am I really just a narcissist / Cause I wake up to a bowl of lobster bisque?"

  Rick Ross, "I Love My Bitches," (God Forgives, I Don't, 2012)

Vegetables:

• Asparagus. Lyric: ”Blowin' on asparagus, the realest shit I ever smoked."

  Young Jeezy, "Put On," (The Recession, 2008)

• Celery. Lyric: ”Pocket full of celery, imagine what she tellin' me.

  Young Jeezy, "Put On," (The Recession, 2008)

• Collard greens. Lyric:"Falling back on that ass, with a hellafied gangsta lean / Getting funky on the mike, like a old batch of collard greens."

  Snoop Dogg, "Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang," (Dr. Dre's The Chronic, 1992)

Today I will be promoted

Today I will be promoted from Tori Funkhouser on Vimeo.

James Barker - Sunny Day in the City

Look out! There's a Godzilla tiger kitty licking that white 80's Volvo! At least he'll need to stop soon once he keels over from how head is being impaled by a spiky ray of the sun. Poor Godzilla meowzer; can't get a break.

Anyhow, James Barker has more fun illustrations like this one featuring wildly different subjects such as ghosts, international flags, and my favorite: a praying mantis. You can buy most of his illustrations in t-shirt, mug, poster, and framed forms when you click here.   

The Current Sea - Kaleidoscope GIFS

Design team, THE CURRENT SEA, makes far out GIFS and videos and graphics. These ones, as you can see, are neon-colored kaleidoscopes. Warning: you may start drooling if you watch them for too long. Before the droolathon commences, you might want to distract yourself by visiting their website where you will find other groovy artistic offerings and can also information for how to employ them to make a GIF logo for your start-up, techventure.io.  

Whooaeeowwwwwww, pretty colors. Peace and love, ze. 

Twitter word bots from decontextualize.com

If you like really like words and also really, really like computers then dear lawd stop what you're doing and look through decontextualize.com. There, you will find a gaggle of Twitter bots created to do funny, random things with words.

For instance, @everyword auto-tweets, yes, every word in the English language one-by-one sans definition (and, amazingly, has 89K followers). Even better, @pizzaclones generates a joke in the form of Every [NOUN] is a(n) [ADJECTIVE] [NOUN] when/if/as long as [SUBORDINATE CLAUSE]. Example:

And more, Power Vocab Tweet (@PowerVocabTweet) tweets a randomly-generated word + randomly-generated definition for the word.

Because decontextualize's master mind uses very intelligent-sounding terms and references to describe her Twitter bot work, Power Vocab Tweet's term is: “speculative lexicography." Of course, @PowerVocabTweet's speculative lexicography parodies word-of-the-day apps, blogs, etcetera, but, it also -- get this -- tears down power structures like a bot-ified Derrida. Don't believe me? Read about it. 

#props. 

Joseph Harvey - ...but we can make our own miracles here, just the two of us

UK artist, Joe Harvey, makes videos. No two videos are very similar. For instance, EXFORM has a wormhole mouth that spits out an orange; Eternal Parquet Sunrise has a neverending-Hades-of-Zelda feeling; and ... but we can make our own miracles here... has a video collage of a Skype conversation between French musician Jacques Brel and sailor, Ben Jan Ader.

As Harvey says, "The video asks the viewer to imagine themselves as Jacques Brel trying to convince Bas Jan Ader over Skype not to embark on his fatal attempt to cross the Atlantic in a single-handed sailboat in 1975." It asks you to imagine yourself as a Frenchman with a quaveringly beautiful voice beseeching the tanned, cheekboned sailor stay on land, dammit. To not ignore your imprecations! Your voice implori-  

Hello? Hello? Bas?

Fucking Skype. Dropped the call again ... 

...but we can make our own miracles here, just the two of us. from Joseph Harvey on Vimeo.

Eric Colossal - Funny person who makes comics

Here are two funny comics, which I found in sea of a bunch of other funny comics by Eric Colossal (real name?). As a cat lady, I particularly love Bear (who gets farted on; poor Bear).

Anywho, here are my responses to the two comics below:

Response to comic 1: *teeheelolharhargh* he's falling for it; the water beer. lolz, the beer is actually water.  

Response to comic 2: *pfffhaahaha* Tried it, don't knock it. (Barf).  

Do yourself a favor; visit his site and remember why you love the Internet (because it has free, funny comics). This is great!

Joseph Lambert - pen sketches

Illustrator and comic Joseph Lamber drew these orange, teal, and purple pieces with gel ink pens. This one has the awesome name I imagine might have been inspired by his five year-old nephew: DontTellMeWhatToDoDontTellMeWhatToDoDontTellMeWhatToDo. See more of these energetic, bright, stuffed-with-personality inks at his instagram, josesubmarine or buy a print on his site. 

Ariel Danielle Norris - Sully

Here's a painting by Ariel Danielle Norris of Sully, the big, fuzzy Monsters Inc. cuddle-friend who scares children for a living. This painting is of the moment when Sully thinks three year-old Boo is being crushed in a conveyor-belt industrial waste compactor (spoiler: she's really just running around  in a monster costume somewhere in the Monsters Inc. factory).

You can check out more of Norris's schtuff here.  

yendryma

I find cool things while tunneling through the Instagram. Most recently, I've discovered Yendryma's beautiful, but sorta creepy illustrations set against spare, white space. Most of them have those little pink circles on their cheeks that remind me of those popular-in-the-90s black-and-white photos of kids with rosy cheeked layer masks. Anyway, I like them. You should check 'em out.

Bonus: when you scroll through his feed, you'll find an illustration of a girl with antlers like the dead girl whose Carcosa killer Woody and McConaughey were searching for on True Detective. #weird! #coincidence?

Diamond Life - WEINVENTYOU

I originally discovered WEINVENTYOU via Gawker while reading on the bus during one of those SAD (seasonal affective disorder) days in January that make you breakdown in the new-mom-pump-room in your office after your bus finally elbowed its diesel-y way to said workplace through hours of brown snow and traffic. Breathe.

Anyhow, bad (good?) day to watch Conferencecall.biz, the looping gif of marketing-jargon-beeping-repetitive-despair-of-work-whathave you Slate said evoked "the existential despair of the conference call." It was cathartic and sad *claws at throat*.

So, I couldn't upload Conferencecall.biz to my humble site, but I could upload this also very cool gif by WEINVENTYOU of a baller in a Caddy(?) creeping ominously past onlookers in what I think is Sierra Leone only because I've listened to Kanye's song too many times and think (possibly?) that Jay Z is in the car like: "Don't judge me, yo. I'm a business, man, not a businessman; let me handle my business."  

Kieran Nolan - CONTROL: an experimental (meta) game about interface constraints

PhD student Kieran Nolan created "meta game" CONTROL as part of the Game Pack 01 compilation from LA Game Space. Apparently playing CONTROL is pretty finger cramp-y as you press flashing buttons and try not to make a wrong move that will send the game into "meta glitch mode with excruciating digital sounds."   

Kieran's research is about exploring the "collision of videogame aesthetics, new media art, and interaction design." The culmination of that research via CONTROL comments on the use of teeny plastic controllers and Atari joysticks to control on-screen motion. Or something. In any event, the idea and execution is rad-i-cool. 

After you check out the trailer below, find more self-aware games at LA Game Space.

Russ Rubin - Russ draws (some of) the US (or whatever)

These Route 66-inspired watercolor drawings of places in the South and Southwestern United States are pretty neat-o if you ask me. But, I'm a sucker for the long black roads we have here in the U-S-of-A running and running through the the desert or prairie nowhere until, ever so often, an intimidatin' pile of red rocks or sleazy neon motel sign looms past. 

Because Russ labeled these pieces "Day 3, Day 8, etcetera," I'm guessing he was on a road trip and was too RedBull-addled to name his paintings something than "Car painting = bad horsey" (Lexington, KY) or "salsa n desert" (Las Cruces, NM). Frick, the Nashville, TN, one doesn't have a name. Therefore, I will call it, "the next Luke Bryan hums loudly in a BK hoping to get discovered."

Though I've copied three of these Americana depictions here for your viewing convenience, Russ has about 20 more o' these bad boyz n girlz on his website. Check 'em out.

Grace Miceli

When clicking through artists' links on Illuminati Girl Gang, I particularly loved Grace Miceli's girly teenager doodling-in-a-notebook poetry featuring white tennis skirts and Bring It On.

When I clicked through her site and found her drawings and paintings embodying the inscape of a pink-n-glitter twelve year-old at Claire's buying butterfly clips, my pink tank top grew sparklies and my eyes became little squiggly purple hearts.

Dear diary, I <3 Grace Miceli. I hope she likes me back. 

Ilustration for Dante’s ‘Inferno’, dated c.1460-70

Todo Libro Antiguo (@libroantiguo) tweeted this illustration and nebulously titled it: "Illustration for Dante's 'Inferno', dated c.1460-70." A helpful Twitter-ite responded to @libroantiguo saying, "Gonna ask Fred Phelps to fact check this." While Todo Libro waits for the green light from Phelps, I'm posting "Illustration for Dante's 'Inferno', dated c.1460-70" because I don't have time to wait for facts. The Internet waits for no one. Plus, c'mon. Just look at it. Definitely 15th century shit we got goin here, amiright?

To thoroughly enjoy the illustration, I suggest lifting your laptop until it's only an inch from your face and observing how the guy being punished for lust in the bottom-left corner has a rod shoved up his buttoot and through his mouth into the mouth of someone wearing his exact same paper-crown-hat. Yikes. Much worse punishment than the gluttons above him who must eat a couple food items with their hands tied behind their backs. Though, lust guy's punishment could be better than poor fat baby's punishment which, if you notice, was to be eaten (for heaven-knows-what sin) by Lucifer himself. Yowza. Tough luck, fat baby. 

Eeva Honkanen - PAPRIKAKANSA - PEOPLE LIVING INSIDE THE RED PEPPER

The big ladies in this pen-n-paper piece by Finnish artist Eeva Honkanen totally resemble the witch Yubaba from Miyazaki’s Spirited Away. Furthermore, the title, "people living inside the red pepper" and the hoagie bun full of humans makes me think of the black god in Spirited Away who spits gold from his hands before he eats everyone at the bathhouse.

Interesting. Surreal, one might say? You can find more of these blob-ous, unsettling mash-ups on Eeva Honkanen's website.

Lady AIKO - The Bowery Wall

If you live in en-why-cee, you may have seen Lady Aiko's graffitistreetart with Japanese-traditional-aesthetics mural on the Keith Haring Wall on Bowery st. Because I live in the Great American West, I have not seen this. Though, I #aspire to do so one day because I like pastel graffiti wall collages that demonstrate femmepower-overtones. Cool stuff, girlfren.